April 22, 2009

She didn't get this attitude from me .......

I just had a fight with Miss D. 8 years old going on 15 I think. What an attitude, I have NO idea where she got that from (michelle rolls her eyes).

We actually get on really well, but when we fight, it's usually because she is being cheeky with the demanding, toss the hair thing going on, and I put up with it til I can put up no longer. Then I usually yell at her and she storms off in a huff, until I calm the waves by hugging or tickling her and all is well again.

She is a born organiser, and a leader which are great attributes to have, and I am so proud of her for being strong. But she likes to rule the other kids too and this I don't like. It's all dramatic and loud, and somedays it drives me crazy. But as a mother, it's my job to stay calm, to address her attitude with a motherly demeanor and not yell. I am working on this, some days I do it well, other days I completely fuck it up.

I am to blame somewhat because as the eldest child, I expect alot from her, and I sometimes forget that she is only 8. She is so helpful, smart and wonderful, and I rely on her to help me with the two younger kids occasionally and I think this crosses over to her wanting to be the boss. And this makes me sad, that the fine line between the two is easily confused.

I had waited to have a child for so long, and I had dreamed about the baby I would have. When I first saw her, after 25 hours of labour, I remember staring at her lips, the cupids bow so beautiful and her eyes which were exactly like her daddy's. I was in shock that she was so gorgeous and that I had made her and that she was mine. Forget the next 3 months of hell!! with reflux and not sleeping, that moment I will never forget.

So to my darling big girl, I love you, and I am sorry that we fight sometimes, but you will always be my first special baby. You made me a mother.

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