May 12, 2015

The Forgotten

My blog sits in the corner like a shy wallflower at the school dance.  Eyes downcast, crestfallen and lonely, longing for some attention. Will someone take her hand and lead her on the dancefloor?

I can't believe it's been six months since I've blogged.  That time has gone awfully fast really, with no real reason for not writing other than the desire to share has evaded me somewhat. It's been so long that the J button is missing on my laptop keyboard and I couldn't remember my blogger password.

And I've missed it, I really have.  I've missed reading other blogs as well because if I'm not writing I'm not reading, which is slightly unfair on my behalf.

But I'm back and hoping to write with some kind of regularity and avoid having my blog covered in dust as it sits now.

I've tried to write a few times, and during these false starts I wondered if anyone would even miss me?

I thought about that for a nanosecond before reassuring myself that I write for me. I always have and will continue to do so even when the sweet temptation of monetisation rears its head.

So what am I all about, really? I've been trying to figure out which direction I want my blog to take. The possibilities are endless.

I could take the humour approach, which could be fitting as I wrote a post once that wasn't meant to be funny, but one wag offered "I didn't know you were a humour blogger". I've been told I have a dry wit, just look at these crackers:-

Icecream For Dinner.
Wifey FAQ.
Blame The Washing Machine.
Take Me To Bunnings To Buy A.

If that doesn't work, I could always follow the home/styling/interior design/house/decorating/too many cushions road, which I've also done in the past.  Because I'm now working in this industry, I have a passion for too many cushions that usually end up on the floor, but this could be a good path to follow? Here's a sample:-

House Update - Floors.
Hidden Treasures.
Dream Shopping.

I could even write about my age and get slightly naked on the internet.  Oh wait, I've already done that:-

I Heart My Body.
Who Am I.

I might just write about all of the above, along with my life living on our farm, my kids, my animals, my daily grind, what I do, what I like and what I see. Not much of a change really, but I'm so pumped to be back to it!

What would you like to see?  Let me have it!

Farmers Wifey xo

November 14, 2014

It's Beginning To Look Alot Like Christmas!

 I love Christmas.  And I love glass jars.

Put them both together and you have one happy Farmer's Wifey!

Thank goodness my family eat jam, pickles and pasta sauce because I don't know where I'd get my stash of jars if these items weren't on my shopping list.

One day I might become very rural and actually have a try at making my own jam, pickles and pasta sauce but then where would I get the jars to put the finished products in?  That's right, I'd have to buy it all from the supermarket first, so I can actually make my own.

I'm confused!  Sorry I digress, where was I?

Yes, Christmas is apon us and there are thoughts of homemade gifts for the teachers, candy canes popped lovingly inside cards for school friends and the stress of finding the exact match for the Elsa doll because the shops have sold out to parents with little girls under the age of 5.

Our school is having a bottle sale during the Christmas Carols this year, and I'm looking forward to checking out the jars ahem contents which have been donated by local families.  What a great fundraiser!  Fill bottles and jars with whatever takes your imagination, make money for the school, everyone wins!

I decided to get crafty so off I went to my child free craftroom.....yes I have one, don't hate me....:)  and I've done two chocolate/lollie jars and two scrapbooking/craft ones which are filled with ribbons, flowers and stickers in a summer and spring theme.

Finished with Christmas ribbon, toppers and tags and they look great!
What do you think, you like? How's your Christmas preparation going, are you organised?

Farmers Wifey xo

October 27, 2014

Monday Pretties

I was looking through my 3851 Iphone photos today I must backup, and I found some snaps that I'd like to share with you.

Last week the house was reasonably tidy, and the beds were made.  Not unlike this week with the house looking like some small angry army with search and destroy issues have blown through the place.

Oh wait, that's the kids.

I tried to get all Pinteresty with a photo of my bed, all clean and tidy and uncluttered.  I love the quilt I'm using, it has a country look with gorgeous colours.

I took the kids for icecream a few days ago, Yogurtland to be precise.  I always have the same thing - dutch chocolate, mango and big chocolate sprinkles.  Like tea calms a stressful adult, I'm sure icecream does the same for kids, until they get in the car to go home and the sugar hits which is always fun.

A few things caught my eye this week while shopping!  These new Maxwell and Williams plates, wrapped in coloured tissue paper made their way home!  And I am loving Woodwick candles, I bought two, and they are divine!

Miss D (aged 13) shared some special things in her room too.  She has a love for blue, for vintage and anything pretty.  She always has books on her bedside table and she reads every night.

And you?  Bought anything lately?  Been out for icecream? What's been happening?  Happy Monday!

Farmer's Wifey xo

October 15, 2014

Miscarriage is Not a dirty word.

I always feel a bit staby at this time of year.

For just two days actually, the 15th and 16th of October.

Not staby in a mean, self centred way, but more a vibe of leave me alone, I'm feeling sorry for myself, I'll be back to normal on the 17th.

Tomorrow it will be 15 years since I lost my Dad, I miss him every day.

Today October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. 

I wrote the passage below in 2009, between my 5th and 6th miscarriage. I obviously wasn't in a good place, I was a cranky, wretched teary mess on the downward slippery slide into situational depression.

You are coming to the end of your time now....3 weeks to go you say.

You sigh about how uncomfortable you feel, the sleepless nights, the sore back....oh how you can't wait for it to be over.

I can't understand how you can feel like that, I never wanted it to be over for me. I still don't. I enjoyed every moment, I knew I was blessed....

You look forward to shedding the roomy clothes, to getting back to normal. It will be good to hear the baby steps in your house again. You are excited.

You don't know don't know what I have been through so who am I to judge you? But what I would give to be 3 weeks away from bliss.....

Your delicious excitement is exactly how I would feel...I can't blame you. And yet, I can't listen anymore. I know I am lucky that it makes me cry. But the sharp spear of pain that pierces my heart when I listen to you, feels like it will go on forever.

That was deep.

Not long after I wrote that, after 3 years of trying for another baby, we gave up, and continued owner building The Money Pit.  Life went on and it was good. 

I healed emotionally, but I never forgot.  I counted my blessings, in the form of 3 noisy, country, healthy kids.

Fast forward to 2010.  On my 43rd birthday, I found myself in the bathroom of a restaurant peeing on a stick.  Two dark lines.

What the actual fuck?

I told my husband 3 days later, who acting somewhat like a stunned teenager and said "how did this happen".

Remember that 5 minutes before Desperate Housewives a few Monday nights ago....?

This one was the most surprising of all, because every other time I would plead to see two lines, and then pray that it would stick.  But it never would.

No explanation, no medical reason why after 3 healthy children, I just couldn't carry a baby.  All first trimester miscarriages, which doesn't lessen the pain or grief.  A loss is a loss at any time.

I wasn't prepared for this.  I was over it, we had moved on and now my hopes were high again. This one was lost just before 3 months, after seeing the heartbeat and choosing a name.

I think the thing that helped me get through this was sharing my story and not hiding it away.  So many women had similar experiences, who struggled with infertility and baby loss.  It's not a nice club to be a part of, but the strength and understanding that comes from it is everything.

Today I'm good. I've healed but I haven't forgotten.  I see pregnancy as the blessing it is, I love expectant mothers and the excitement that comes with it. It's a beautiful time.

So I'm thinking of others today and hope they have healed.  Love to you.

For support and understanding, please contact Sands.

Farmer's Wifey xo

October 13, 2014

Camp Time Again

I have a little confession to make.

Sometimes when I go shopping, I stop in the baby aisle and smell the Johnsons's Baby Shampoo because it reminds me of when my children were newborns.

Ah, the sweet memories.

Fast forward to today.

My little guy went on school camp this morning.  A week in the big city, doing fun kid things, visiting fun kid places and doing all sorts of cool activities. When I went on my school trip, I was in Grade 10 and we went camping in the bush, doing exciting things said no one ever like orienteering and bush tucker cooking.

These kids today are in Grade 6, not even in high school and they are spending a week in the city, staying at amazing places and eating at restaurants!

It was a year ago that my eldest daughter went on camp, and I can remember my tummy butterflies as I waved her off on the bus!  My friends and I stalked facebook for the week, waiting for photos of our kids to see what they were doing.  She hadn't been away from me for so long, and I was anxious, but I didn't need to be, as she came back with wonderful stories of what they did and saw.

She seemed to have grown up so much in the space of a week.  I cried when the bus left last year, and yes, this emotional mush cried again this morning.

Happy tears.

I know that my son will have a great time, but I miss him already! 

I hope he doesn't spend all of his money on xbox games, and I hope the lid on his drink bottle is done up tight.

I hope he wears a good shirt out to dinner tonight, and he doesn't fall off the top bed bunk in the cabin. 

He has the coolest new backpack, it's from a tv show called Adventure Time. It's about a dog called Jake, and my three kids were so excited to find this backpack with a doggy hood. I pleaded with my son to choose another backpack because I thought this one looked stupid.

The kids looked at me like I was stupid.

"Don't you know that's JAKE THE DOG......MUM?????"

We bought the backpack.

Now excuse me, I must go. I've got shopping to do and it includes a visit to the baby aisle!

Farmer's Wifey xo