November 18, 2010

Mother Heart



Today I wanted to write about my eldest daughter, my first child - Miss D. She is turning 10 in December..double digits and a fully fledged tween. I know she's a tween because she's crazy about Taylor Swift and kinda in love with Taylor Lautner....

I have to stop and think "where did the last 10 years go"? How did she grow up so fast?

It saddens me that her "baby years" are almost over and the world is at her feet. Both exciting and scary...she has a lot to look forward to.

She is very smart and capable, and she has had to grown up fast because when she was 4 years old - still only a baby herself, I had a two year old and a newborn....how on earth did I cope?

She is a very determined, strong willed child, and tries to put me in my place..often. And boy do we clash...we both won't back down in an argument, and we both want the last word.

I only just realised that the reason we clash is because she is so much like me. It's like looking in a mirror....I may as well be fighting with myself because that is how it feels. Two strong personalities fighting for the upper hand.

But she's 9 and I'm 43 so I think I know what's right.

She is hovering over that ledge that is a litte girl and a girl ready to blossom...and I know its confusing and confronting for her. She still comes to me if she is hurt or sad and I cuddle her and she melts into my arms like a sweet babe...

I am trying my best to be sympathetic to her moods, and believe me, she is a very good girl most of the time. And there lays the problem.

One minute she's sweet as pie, and the next, she's doing her best Linda Blair impersonation, complete with the head spinning on its axis rendition circa The Exorcist.

She seems to take alot of her frustrations out on me, her primary caregiver, her mother who suffers the most.

She actually wakes up grumpy some mornings and I say to her "what the hell did I do to upset you in your sleep??"

I know it's very hormonal and because she has inherited the emotional side of my personality, sometimes her world is full of chaos. How much chaos can a 9 year old actually have?

If we have had an argument, and she has behaved unreasonably, she comes to me at night with a note and an apology...she is quite remorseful and teary and it breaks my heart that we have these issues..and we both promise to do better the next day.

And I constantly remind her that : even though we fight, I love her so much and I tell her the most important thing..and that is this:

"My darling, you made me a mother. I dreamed of you and wanted you for so long...I knew you were somewhere waiting to come to me..you are everything I yearned for and the minute you were put in my arms and I looked at your face, I knew you. I really knew you...

It was almost as if we'd met before...all these years I had waited to have a child, and as I looked at your beautiful face, I knew there and then that I would give my life for you...."

(The Hubbster and I have been together for 23 years and I had wanted to have a baby for as long as I can remember...)

The final word must go to The Hubbster who said to Miss D recently " You will make a very fine lawyer one day because you're very good at arguing"...

Touche..


6 comments:

A Farmer's Wife said...

Maybe it is a girl thing, this idea of"knowing" a baby. I had my boy first and thought he was like a small god that I had created, I worshipped him but he wasn't familiar.

Then I had my daughter and it was as if she was a very old friend that I had forgotten about. She looked at me and I can remember thinking along the lines of "there you are, I wondered where you had gone"

I hope your daughter has the most wonderful birthday.

Posie Patchwork said...

As a fellow mummy of a first born girl who is as stubborn as i am, my tips (i was a psychologist before i was a mummy, gosh i know so much more NOW) i often say to our daughter 'you made us parents, we're learning this with you too'. That makes her different to her siblings.
She was the eldest of 4 when she was only 4 years old too, it's a pretty big deal. She struggles to not be the leader (i'm an alpha female too, even though i'm the last born in my family) & indeed, likes to make suggestions to my parenting & actually my bold personality is very positive, her personality manages to rule the vibe of the family.
This year (for year 6) we created her room to be more of a sanctuary, escape from her siblings & probably us too, this has helped. I refuse to have a rude tween, but give her space to calm down. The wise words of "i know you are upset right now, but i'm here when you're ready, to listen or just be with you" as vitally important.
I've been a full time stay at home mummy since her twin sisters were born, in my mid 20s (i got busy straight out of Uni with the baby thing, marrying my teen love & all) i can assure you, i've never felt MORE needed. Having 4 under 5 is one thing, you keep them alive, having 4 aged 7 to 11 - you just have to be there when THEY are ready.
Patience is the key, you can't rush a tween, it seems to make them go in slower motion, it's agony!! They want to oversleep, mumble & stomp about, all this & no signs of physical puberty yet.
Wishing you well, my twins are 9 so spare a thought for my husband & son, they have a whole lot of female tension coming up in a couple of years. I have learned to be the parent, calm, decisive & like when there is a battle over sharing Lego with toddlers, the new battle ground might be clothes, the bathroom, hair accessories . . . i'll be a different kind of referee, what on earth will the rules be though?? So long as they are polite & kind to each other (even through gritted teeth) that will do, i guess?? Good luck, love Posie

Naomi said...

what a delightful mother heart you have and I so love your closing remarks. I dreamed of my first daughter too and so longed for her to come into my life. What a blessing she has been to me. In the morning it is her 12th birthday so my heart is swelling towards her tonight as I wrap her presents and prepare the house for her party and friends to come over. Thanks for the heart to heart moment. Naomi xx

Kebeni said...

what a lovely post. Daughters are so special. When I was pregnant with NIenna I begged the powers that be for a boy but they had other ideas and I got my girl. Gee am I glad there is someone out there smarter than me cos she makes my life interesting that is for sure!

Annette Piper said...

My twin girls are going to be 10 on New Years Day. They're growing up so fast, but luckily no rampaging emotional hormones. I get enough of that from the 12 y.o. boy!

Mimsie said...

My daughter (my first born) turned 10 45 years ago so I am a great-grandmother but I do so enjoy reading about young mums of today. After all mums from this or the last century are not that different. I must admit I wanted a daughter and even hoped for a daughter the second time around but it was not meant to be. Never mind my son was quite a dear little boy and a pigeon pair is nice too. My daughter and I are still very cose but unfortunately my son has decided to make his own way in life without his folks or his sister. Yes a daughter is very very special.