April 30, 2009

Is this my Mid Life Crisis?

I wrote this passage in a very melancholy mood one night, 6 months before I turned 40.

One day
I will no longer search for you
in the endless sea of faces
One day
I will face the day
without pain
One day
I will discard my shroud
of self-pity and regret
One day
my dreams will be free of you
One day
you will become
just a man I used to know
One day
not yet
one day.

By Kate O'Halloran

I found this poem when I was 14 yrs old, I tore it out of a magazine, I remember doing it very clearly. And nearly to this day I have carried it with me, for some reason - it has always been in my wallet, so now it is very tattered and fragile so I have put it away.

I have kept it for all these years because it reminds me of my youth, of the teenage angst of my first love, of wanting to be accepted and of never wanting to grow up. The first kiss, the butterflies that come with the touch of the hand, and of the tears that came when problems seemed so unfixable.

Where has the time gone, wasn't I just 14 years old, waking up to the new things I was about to discover? I am slowly ! approaching the big 40, and maybe I am having my mid life crisis . I am taking stock of my life, of the wonderful gifts I have been given, my husband, my beautiful children, my health and happiness, some dreams that I have fulfilled already.

Is it normal to feel that life is slowly slipping by, and I cannot turn back the clock to the years gone by. I am scared of growing older, I will admit that I would love to be 20 again, but then ..... I wouldn't have my family - it's a double edged sword.

So what I need to do is be thankful for the things in my life, enjoy every day and every moment because life is short and precious, and appreciate that life goes through stages and I am just about to enter another one. That's what I will think ...one day, not yet but one day..........

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