January 11, 2012

Let it go......

Tonight we watched our favourite tv show "Modern Family".

It's the only one the five of us sit and watch together. It's not rated M, well most of the time anyway, and it has The Hubbster in fits of laughter every week.

The episode tonight proved again how much The Hubbster and I are like Phil and Claire.

Well besides the fact that I'm not blonde and The Hubbster doesn't sell real estate, I can see similarities between us that seem to be so true.

Tonights show emphasised the roles Phil and Claire portray - Phil being the fun, calm parent, and Clare the control freak, disciplinarian in their family.

They decided to change roles - Claire took her son and his cousin go karting, trying to be the "fun" parent, and Phil stayed home to discipline his wayward girls by overseeing the cleaning of the bathrooms.

It didn't work.

It wasn't what they were meant to do. They fit their roles perfectly, and although at times their family seems dysfunctional, it is what works for them.

I know it is a fictional television show, but I hope you understand what I mean.

In our family, The Hubbster is the fun parent. He's very calm, very patient, spends the time explaining things to the kids, takes them to Bunnings (all the time), plays tennis with them, buys them lunch and takes them to the park.

When he needs to be stern, the kids listen. They jump. They do exactly as they are told.

He's in control without being seen as being mean.

He's quite awesome actually.

I, on the other hand, get stressed and yells, worries about everything, is a control freak disciplinarian, freaks out when things are messy, and generally is not very well behaved.

I'm usually not calm, I'm working on my patience, I spend time with the kids at the park, the beach or McDonalds, I play handball and stuck in the mud and wrestle on the bed with them.

But I think the kids see me as the fun police. The mean one. The one who gives orders and bosses them around. I probably ask the same as The Hubbster does, but the kids see me differently.

They don't listen, until I yell. Then I'm being mean and cranky.

The Hubbster doesnt' yell. But they still listen.

Yesterday, the kids were in the pool and I said "hey kids look at the plane" but they didn't acknowledge me. I said it again, and still no answer.

Then I said "who wants some ice cream", and they all swung around in surprise.

Selective hearing perhaps?

Just blocking out what they don't want to hear (me being bossy and giving orders).

This is where my frustration comes from. I hate being bossy and feeling like THEY think I'm no fun. I wish everything would run smoothly and I wasn't such a stressful person...I'm working on that.

The most fun I have with the kids is when we go to the park and buy fish and chips for lunch, and sit in our favourite grassy spot on the hill by the beach. We usually do this when The Hubbster is at work, so it's just the kids and I.

They love this. They love the attention from me, and the time I am spending with them. It's when I'm being "fun".

I love taking them out on their individual "dates" where we go to the movies or shopping and it's quality one on one time.

I want more of this.

I have to let go of the control and realise that my children are little individuals that won't always conform to what I want.

The saying "don't sweat the small stuff" is something I'm trying to work towards.

Let it go, Michelle....just let it go.....



Mum on the Run said...

I'm the one who has to manage the mundane and often reel in the fun here too.
Finding a happy balance would be brilliant.

Farmers Wifey said...

I so agree with you, I'm so afraid of letting go and having the place fall into some kind of chaos! Well more chaos than it already is!

Dreaming said...

Letting go is really hard! And, as the kids get older, it's really important! In my way of thinking, you help your kids establish priorities and ethical codes of behavior in their younger years... then let them practice those with increasing independence. It is hard to send them off, for example, when they begin driving. It's hard to not be such an important part of their lives. So... do enjoy them and let them enjoy being with you when they are young - but, you still have to practice some control and be the meany at times!

Nezzy (Cow Patty Surprise) said...

This Ozark Farm Chick hopped over from Dreaming's place just to say Howdy to another farm gal and am so glad I did.

Tradin' places wouldn't work too well 'round here. Farm Boy won't touch anything that touches the house. That includes the yard too. That's house work. Heehehehehe!!!

Me on the other hand...My favorite sayin' 'round here is, "Ya want me to do what???" This usually involves big machinery in dangerous places...that or wild~eyed cattle! Swallowin' my fear and pride I usually get~er~done! :o)

From the sunlit hills and hollers of the Missouri Ponderosa, ya'll have a blessed and beautiful day now...ya hear!!!

Anonymous said...

I hear ya! I'm the resident kill-joy in our house. Hate to be that way...it's not the best form of myself and it stresses me out, but my little ones wouldn't get a wink of sleep and would have fast food for every meal and would probably end up buried alive in building blocks, robot parts and stuffed animals if it weren't for Mama trying to reign them in. Sigh.

TheThingsIdTellYou said...

It's sad that you have to feel that way. Have you talked to him? Maybe he can set aside more time for you to go out and do fun things and he stay home and do whatever needs doing.

In our home, we're kind of evenly split. Not that one is the disciplinarian and the other the fun one.
I'm the gentlest. The one who will spend an hour rubbing a back, kissing and just loving on them. Joel is the one who's hugs and kisses are big and boisterous and fun, they usually turn into tickles.

Joel is the one who takes them places - camping, swimming, bushwalking, riding bikes etc. I'm the 'funny' one who can jolly them out of a bad mood.

But HE'S the outdoor fun parent. He can do things that I can't do, simply because of my health. So much so that when I get into the car, they're shocked that i'm coming. So I find myself feeling like I must be the boring parent.

I have to remind myself though, we just both have different strengths. I'm still the one they come to when they're upset. I'm still the one they come to in the middle of the night or when they're sick. I'm the one who knows when they're sad and can predict how they will react to something, thus avoiding triggers that will cause ASD Meltdowns. And I'm the dorky, funny one at home.

It sounds like you have plenty of lovely time. Taking time to sit and have fish and chips. One on one dates with them. You sound like a wonderful mother, just as he sounds like a wonderful father. Sounds to me like they have the best of both worlds.

Nat - Muddy Farmwife said...

Just discovered your blog recently and am really enjoying reading.
Our household works pretty much the same, Hubby is the fun parent and I am the mean disciplinarian. As much as I can't stand it at times and want to be the fun parent, I know that we need both roles in our house, otherwise chaos would reign and I definitely wouldn't cope with that.
Sounds like you're doing a great job, you have special things that are just for you and the kids and they will always remember them as they get older.

Kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

We are like them too.

But MPS is the bumbling idiot and I am always cleaning up after him.


You are an awesome mum. Own it.

Anonymous said...

OMG my household exactly. Almost like good cop- bad cop. I am the bad cop,always. No you can't do blah blah blah, go here there or the other, and yes I am an evil witch. But your father is perfect. Got to love it, otherwise shrivel up and wail incessantly.

Maxabella said...

Our prob is that we both are 'good Cop'. We desperately need a bad cop! x

Anonymous said...

Think I could be a mixture of both. A structure and routine goes a long way, but it's so nice to have fun too!

CJ x

littlekarstar said...

I love that show too and so much of what you've said resonates with me too...

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