July 1, 2009

Writers Workshop

Time again for writers workshop, thanks to a mirror image! of mine over at Mama Kats. This week I have chosen prompt number 1 which is:-

Mother's guilt...tell us what happened. Well this prompt really stuck out and grabbed me because mothers guilt is dear to my heart. Because I have it. I hate it. And it makes me cry.

You see, I have always wanted to be a mother. A stay at home mum, who as the cliches show, bakes cookies and muffins, wears an apron, and gives my life to my offspring who are in fact perfect in every way. Because I am the perfect mother. Or so it seemed at the time, when I was 14 and decided this is what I wanted to do.

Fast forward to now. I am a married mum of 3, not so perfect, with kids who are normal, noisy, energetic, crazy little things, who break my heart most days, because I love them so much. I sometimes feel like I let them down. I have mother guilt. I feel guilty when my son asks me for the tenth time to play football with him, and I am so busy I put him off again.

I feel guilty when I don't spend enough time with my children, and they get a bit crazy. I feel guilty when I yell at them, or get impatient, when I should be in control. I feel guilty because I am not the perfect mother.

There is so much pressure on women to be the perfect mother, so when one fails, in their eyes, it's a big thing. Sometimes when my kids are asleep and I kiss them goodnight, I promise myself to do better next time. Of course, to my kids, I AM the perfect mother. Even if I do get impatient or crazy with them.

I want to be there for my children when they need me. And I try to do this always. Sometimes there just isn't enough of me to go around. It's my big issue with time, or lack of it. And that is sad because they are growing up and one day won't want me to play football, or tea parties with them.

So I am letting go. Of the mother guilt. I just came in from playing football with my son. I will play dollies with my girls tommorrow. I will leave the chores til later because this is the time that is the most important. Their young lives. I will realise that I AM a good mother, and it's normal to make mistakes and learn from them.

I will realise that my kids think I am awesome, and in their eyes I am the best mum in the world. And my son proved it, yesterday when he called me "babe".....





15 comments:

CJ said...

It's the worst when you feel guilty and then feel guilty about feeling guilty. Everyone who has ever been responsible for anyone else has guilt feelings. And I don't think they ever go away. The best thing we can do is try not to pass them on.

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Kimberly said...

There is A LOT of pressure on moms to be perfect, so I'm glad you wrote about this topic. "Moms Without Blogs" has been discussing it a lot lately too. There's a link to them on my blog if you're interested :)

Red Neck Diva said...

great post really great

Kiki (G.G.) said...

I always have guilt. I call it "SAHM's guilt". If I buy something for myself I feel guilty. If I go out for some quiet time, I feel guilty about not being home. I do something wrong and the MIL or my mom criticizes me, I am consumed with guilt. I am also the eldest child and I have read that guilt is something we deal with the most as a first born. Hope you get a chance to pop over to my blogs to check out my prompts. Have a wonderful day and take care.
-Kiki

Raine said...

I feel for you 100%! Mother's guilt is my default setting. I hope you do let go of yours! :D

Foursons said...

Great post. That mother's guilt is a killer. Of course all the judgemental comments and sideways glances that are offered by others are no help. No one could be as hard on us as we are on ourselves. They need to keep their opinions to themselves. Babe.

Saundra@ItalianMamaGoneCrazy said...

Here Here!!!

Guilt needs to be banished from our vocabularies!!!

We are just tryin' to do our best... no guilt needed...

I am so glad you came to that conclusion...it will make you stronger... and a better parent. You will model strength and wisdom to your children, and they won't be wishy washy parents because of your example. Kids enjoy parents that are steadfast, and will forgive the "I'm busy" thing from time to time.

Erin said...

I feel the same way...I love my children so fiercely that it makes me cry!
So ban the guilt, love your kids as hard as you can, and enjoy life....
Life is too short for Mommy's guilt....even though we will still suffer it sometimes!

Dan said...

Like I said on my post, guys don't feel parental guilt.

It has always seemed to me that one could feel guilty about anything if they wanted to. The real choice is move past and get on with life. Or maybe to feel guilty about the time spent feeling guilty which in turn leads to ....

Unknown Mami said...

If this post is any indication then I think your kids are right: You are an awesome mom!

No more guilt, you are doing the best you can and it seems to be good enough.

Grammy Suzzy and DJ Doran said...

I think that we love our kids so much that, no matter how much we do, we always want to be better, to never fail them. And, it doesn't go away. My kids are now 27, 26, 25, 23, 28, and 16, and I feel guilty over this or that ALL of the time. Remember the words you have written. Refer back to them. You are a very good mom!

Jessica said...

Good for you! Remember that your kids probably won't remember half of the stuff that you're talking about either. :)

BreAnne said...

I totally understand - I thought that when I became a stay at home mom I would be like June Cleaver, spotless house and gourmet meals daily. Then I realized that there was probably a reason the kids on that show were older, hard to keep a spotless house or make a gourmet meal with a rambunctious 4 yr old boy in the house!

Kristen said...

I have won so many "mommy of the year awards" that I lost count.

Superstar said...

Hey lady, Thanks for stopping by! I have to tell you, next to the "mamas spit" You know "spit that can take rust off a car bumper" AND the "mama guilt"...I call a tie. They both make you do things...you never thought you could or would EVER in your life do!