Baby Blue

Miss D and I had the most wonderful night recently, participating in a sneaky surprise baby shower for our dance teacher, who is due to welcome her first baby in three weeks time!  I was looking forward to the shower all day, because our mother to be had no idea and the look on her face when she walked in was priceless!

I thought she might cry, but she held it together very well, and she couldn't believe that we had kept this secret from her!  The theme was blue and white, because "we" are expecting a baby boy, and I'm sure there will be plenty of available babysitters during dance class!

The room looked amazing, with large blue and white pom poms hanging from the ceiling, a beautiful tablescape filled with delicious food and little touches of baby blue everywhere to be seen.  The hostess did such a wonderful job!

Miss D was with me and during the night I found myself looking at her, thinking back to the weeks before she was born, my first baby. Twelve years ago, I had no idea how my life would change, or how I would feel becoming a mother for the first time.  With my second and third baby, the feeling was just as exciting because I knew what to expect.

But that first one, feeling overwhelmed with emotion, the preparation, the fear of the unknown....there is simply nothing like it.  I look at my three little birds and just wonder how I got so lucky......

I am Rich.

Last week, the kids and I settled in to watch a new television show.

It is called Brynne: My Bedazzed Life.

I wanted to watch it for Brynnes shoe collection.  For the dresses and the glam and the wealth and the wow factor of it all.

Most of us (okay all of us) can't even imagine a life like hers.  Plenty of money, a wardrobe overflowing with beautiful clothes and shoes, and the time and accessibility to travel and to attend parties.

Material things.

I thought about the show later, and I realised that I felt as if I was looking at a rare and beautiful creative in an exhibit, sad and lonely and captured.

She doesn't seem to have any family close by and I'm sure she has alot of people on standby to look after her.  But something just didn't feel right.

Brynne spoke about her desire to have a baby.  To become a mother.

For this segment she didn't wear alot of makeup and the glitz was gone.  On purpose perhaps?

Who knows.

It worked.  She was vulnerable, and deeply upset at the fact that she wanted a baby so much and her husband not so sure.

I really felt for her.  I felt sorry for her.  I wanted to hug her and invite her to lunch.

I think she would be loads of fun.  She would lend me her shoes, I'm sure I take her size!

For all the wealth and the richness that she has, there is only one thing she wants - a baby.  Something that millions of other women strive for. See, she's really no different to any of us!  She's struggling.

She is rich, yes, but I feel I am richer.  A smug perception perhaps, but proof that one doesn't need gems and dresses and material things in order to be happy.

I am a mother of three children.  They are my wealth, my richness, my life.  I don't need anything else.

I kind of think that if Brynne could exchange everything to become a mother, she would.

And I really like that about her.

Mothering Thoughts

Being a Mother is a tough gig.

But you knew that already, right?

When I held my first beautiful baby in my arms, after 25 hours of non blissful labour, and as I stared at this most perfect child.....little did I realise that Motherhood was going to be alot tougher than those 25 hours.

I had two more babies, because the part of my brain that tells me that it hurts for 18 years or more was obviously switched off at the time.

And that's fine, because I wouldn't have it any other way.

My kids, my life.  That's what it is.

Little did I know that these three little babies, all born 2 years apart, would embarass me in Bunnings, every single time.

Did I know that there would be nights when I'd arrive home from work late and tired and I'd have this:



Did I realise how much my heart would hurt if one of them were in pain?

How could I have known the direct, invisible, powerful force connecting me to them?  An invisible umbilical cord that my heart sees when I look at them.



I just didn't know.  You don't know until you are a parent and you would give your life for your child.

As mothers, we struggle through the difficult times, kissing our babies when they sleep and promising to do better tommorrow.

That's me, anyway.

I try to be perfect, but I'm not. 

Motherguilt is a part of me, unfortunately.

It makes me try harder the next day.  Because it's such a huge responsibility.

And honour.

I try not to compare myself with other mothers anymore because behind the scenes I bet they are having their own bedtime/bathtime/dinnertime battles of their own.

Thank God for social media where we can post on forums asking for advice from other frazzled mums, who also think their kids are out to get them.

Today I found out that one of the Nintendo DS games that we hired from the dvd shop is missing. The kids don't seem too concerned that I'll have to pay the replacement cost.

We have looked everywhere and the minute one of them said to me "oh well, we'll just have to hire another one", I cracked.

I've confiscated their game consoles, and my daughters Ipod, and I've made them fold all of the clothes, wash up, and tidy the bedroom.

On a Sunday. Their day of rest, or so they tell me.

I've also told them that I had to pay $80.00 (not $35.50) to the dvd shop, just trying to squeeze a little bit of remorse from them.

So far, I haven't seen any. I guess I've failed in teaching them the value of things.

At least, I have something to work on....

The Joys of Motherhood

Whilst opening a very heavy envelope of Chocolate Drive money our office has collected, my lovely workmate hid this little note for me to find.

As I carried the coins to the bank to be exchanged for lighter notes, I thought about this note and how important it was.

I thought about how many other things I could add to the note, such as the Joy of hugging my children and the Joy they bring to me every day.

As Mothers, our lives are indeed full of these things on the note, the good and the bad, joining together to make us who we are.

I really identify with this. I waited for so long to have these things on the note (maybe not the head lice) because I wanted to be a Mother.

I always have.

And it brings me so much Joy.

Writers Workshop

This weeks writers workshop - I've decided on prompt number 2....

2) Describe yourself in five words. Choose one, and write a poem.

1. Mother
2. Tired
3. Stressed
4. Grateful
5. Blessed

The words above are my poem:-

Mother
Tired, stressed
Grateful...blessed.

I'm tired all the time. I have bags under my eyes, kindly pointed out to me by my son as told here. I should go to bed earlier but I'm a nightowl and I cannot change...

I feel stressed alot of the time. Most of it is self inflicted because I let things get to me. I have a bad case of motherguilt, especially when I have my period because I turn into an unreasonable crazy witch and I compare myself to others......

There are days when I can't even believe I am a mother and I have 3 children. I look at them and really wonder how on earth they came to me..

I am so grateful to be given this chance, and to have these children to look over.

I feel so blessed that these three little birds call me mama...



Please vote for me on Babbles Top 50 Bloggers...I'm on the home stretch now and I'd really appreciate your vote! I'm on page 1....kisses in advance.....

Take a breath Farmers Wifey

Could my life get much busier? I could always get a full time job and then I'd be completely screwed.

I thought I'd bring you my "two weeks of hell on a stick that I should be enjoying" or "stuff that makes me drink too much wine" just to prove how busy I am.

I'll post in point form and remember people - some on this list I have done, some I have yet to do, and some I have done three times.

I'll date it from last Wed to next Wed which should be two weeks, which sounds like it's only one week but it's really two if you read the fine print...

football training

blogging

play practice for Miss D's musical

dress rehearsal for Miss D's musical

3 kids dental appointment

last game of football for Mr C

football presentation

apply, remove and apply nail polish to both daughters nails

embarass Miss D (aged 9) on numerous occasions by actually doing nothing

drink wine on the deck of The Money Pit with The Hubbster watching the sunset

threaten Miss D if she doesn't put her hat on at the football presentation, I will stand next to her at the jumping castle (see above re embarrass)

have sex with The Hubbster

chase dressmaker re Miss D's new dance costume

run around at the last minute to buy a present for a kids birthday party

break up numerous fights between the kids involving blocks, barbies and basketball

second visit back to the dentist for one kid to have 2 small fillings (oh the horror)

attend Miss D's school musical

refuse to pay $50.00 for a flimsy, fluffy hair and makeup box for the Eisteddfod, and instead buy a $20.00 fishing tackle box that is perfect, and pat myself on the back for thinking outside the square

go to a kids birthday party

treatment on Miss D's bum length hair so I can actually get a comb through it

take Mr C to Auskick

realise he's obsessed with football

kid wrangle 3 kids while sorting out dance costumes at the dance shop

have sex with The Hubbster as we forgot before

attend one kids' school Environmental Display

carry a dead chicken up the back of the property and throw it onto an ant hill

have a mammogram

walk the boundary of the property with The Hubbster in the middle of the day (for exercise (torture)) and sweat my arse off

sew straps on two dance leotards

play Barbies on the floor with the girls and sulk when I have to be the maid (reflection of daily life perhaps?)

sew snowflakes on organza

get my period

remove lightening bolts from lycra leggings *sigh*

go to work

threaten the chooks with the axe if they don't start laying

find one egg the next day

finally return overdue dvds and paid the big fine of $2.60

realise that's a better amount than my last overdue fine of $154 (clerical error)

coordinate 10 different dance costumes

coordinate 10 different lots of accessories including hair stuff, shoes, stockings, makeup, arm bands and hair ribbons

coordinate 3 noisy kids while coordinating the above

try not to stress at the Eisteddfod during the 10 performances Miss D will be dancing in..........

hug, kiss and tell my kids how much I love them every day.....

He Did WHAT?

I wanted to write about my beautiful, kind, caring, easygoing, funny, smart, passionate little boy who literally makes my heart skip because I love and totally adore him so much.


These days, 7 year old kids certainly have expensive taste.

My son gave his "girl" friend a present last week.

My Ipod.

After the little girls father returned the Ipod to me, I suggested to my son that if he wants to give his "girl" friend a gift, he should consider a drawing, or a flower from the garden.

Am I asking too much?

My Mothers Group

I went out last week. Out for dinner. It's unheard of really because my social life consists of supervising the school disco.

Along with my mothers group friends, we went to a fancy restaurant with divine food, company and atmosphere. I dressed up. I ate dessert, and slid back in the leather chair relaxed and fulfilled.

My mothers group. We met when Miss D (aged 9) was two weeks old. All first time mothers, we met once a week - every Tuesday for morning tea, or lunch. We would arrive with something delicious to share, and place our blankets and babies on the floor around us while we chatted.

I will never forget this time, and how invaluable it was to me. I was a very nervous, clueless first time mother. Even though I had worked in child care, it's never the same once you have your own.

I lived for every Tuesday because we could compare our babies, and by this I don't mean who had the prettiest baby or anything as shallow as that.

Instead, we asked advice, gave support, and compared notes on who had the hardest night before with an all night screaming baby. As Miss D never slept, I would say that would be me.

Some of the things we did included morning tea or lunch, pram walks through the park, mum and bubs movie mornings, baby massage, swimming, glamour photo shoots,ten pin bowling and the list goes on.





As the babies grew and started crawling, it made lunches at yummy restaurants difficult so we stuck more to the parks and each others homes.

We now try to meet in the holidays at the park, and only recently we watched as a newish mothers group armed with prams and babies on blankets chatted in the sun. My friend and I commented that it made us kind of sad because that time of our lives was over. It was fleeting. Our days of one baby in the park were gone because now we had 1,2 3 or 4, part time or full time work and after school sports.

We were 10 ladies and between us now we have 25 children. We try to meet formally at least once a year and this dinner was 6 months in the making.

These get togethers are so important because not all of us are in day to day contact.

At the birth of our first child - at the most amazing and breathtaking moment of our lives, when it can sometimes be overwhelming and emotional, these girls were a godsend to me and the memories I have will only make the time more special.

(Me 9 months pregnant and ready to pop...)

Beautiful Ava

Beautiful Ava.

Yesterday I found this amazing website, and I implore you to make a cuppa tea, sit for a moment and enjoy the photography that takes pretty to soaring heights, and love and heartache into your soul.

Click to enlarge.

The beautiful Ava was lost...but she is here in pictures, and stories and the love of her family.

I haven't stopped thinking about this - and how life is to be cherished and not a minute should be wasted. I have been looking at my children, just appreciating them. Trying not to waste a moment.

From reading these stories, I have realised that the little things count. The tiny, daily, perhaps even insignificant little moments that are sometimes rushed through during the school rush chaos...take a minute, enjoy every breath.

Thank you Ava for making me realise that every moment counts.

Beautiful Ava.

Out of the mouth of babes

Whilst saying goodbye to my son at school the other day, I tried for my usual kiss, hug and embarrassing snuggle. And this happened:-

Mr C (aged 6): mum, I am a bit grownup for a kiss now

Me: (tries not to be horrified and hurt) oh really, okay then

We then shake hands and bump our shoulders together, in football style fashion like we always do

Me: bye love you, (walks off a bit sad while Mr C goes to class)

I then get a tap on the back and I turn around to find Mr C smiling at me. He reaches up and grabs my neck and I pick him up and he says:-

Mr C: I will have a kiss mummy.

I kiss him on the cheek and hug him like I never want to let him go. He very carefully kisses my cheek, and I say:

Me: I will always be here to give you a kiss. You will never be too old for me to kiss and hug you. You will always be my little boy. I love you.

Writers Workshop

I really look forward to each weeks writers workshop, courtesy of Mama Kat. This week I have chosen:-

3) Describe a difficult moment that you survived. I have decided to write about a life changing moment for me, a difficult one, yes but one that defined me as a mother and who I identify with today. The birth of my first child.

I have always wanted to be a mother, and I waited so long. I was in my early 30's when I found out I was pregnant, after only a couple of months of trying. My pregnancy was uneventful and each day I still couldn't believe the one thing I had always wanted, was soon about to come true.

The time came for us to meet our first baby. It was a Thursday and The Hubbster had gone for a few drinks to send off a workmate. I joked about not going too far as this baby was due. My mum was staying with us to help out after the baby was born. We didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl, something that we decided on with all of our children.

The Hubbster arrived home around ten minutes to midnight, with several celebrationary drinks under his belt and a warm comfy bed waiting for him. He climbed into bed and within 5 minutes my waters broke.

"Umm we have to go to hospital, my waters broke"

"Are you freakin kidding me??"

"Nope, get up". We rang the hospital who advised us to come in, even though I wasn't having any pains, which was the worse thing we did. Because we were still there 25 hours later. Yes folks I said 25 hours later. We woke mum and told her then we drove to the hospital, no wait I DROVE to the hospital because The Hubbster was quite drunk. So I drove. People kinda think this is funny. I didn't at the time.

The next few hours nothing happened. I was advised to stay put and not go home as it was my first baby and as my waters had already broken, it was better to be monitored. Well we walked and walked and walked, trying to get some action. No pains, nothing. We walked around the hospital several times, up and down flights of stairs, with The Hubbster taking photos of me "in labour". This is easy, I thought. I can't feel anything.

12 hours later, I was walking the coridors attached to a drip. I think we called him Sam, I really can't remember because I was really in labour. And it hurt. I showered with Sam. Sam and I watched The Hubbster eat my dinner, while I panted through another fucking contraction. And when I vomited Sam was there. More than once I remarked "you have got to be kidding me." A couple of times I thought "I will never get out of this", and only once I thought "I am never, ever doing this again".

I had no pain relief, I had decided that after my meeting with encephalitis when a child there was no way in hell I was letting a needle anywhere near my spine (after a bad experience with a lumbar puncture). So I opted for the gas only. Which as you mums know, only takes the edge of the pain and your hubby want to try it.

Many times I explained to The Hubbster to rub my back when a contraction hit, only to scream at him when he did. He took several magazines to read as we were in for the long haul and funnily enough commented when having baby 2 and 3 "wow I didn't even get to read my books this time". I think I slapped him there and then.

I remember looking out of the window at the rain, and by this time it was Friday night. I thought it was never going to end. The pain was unbearable, the contractions keep on coming and coming. Was there an end to it? The Hubbster said to me "this time tommorrow you will be back to normal, we will have our baby and the pain will be over. There IS an end to it, put the good yards in now, go for it. It won't be long and it will be over". As well as this helping me focus, I found it amusing that he likened the birthing of my child to some kind of sport. Most possibly football.

Nearly at the end now and I was focusing on each pain, looking at the pink and blue tags the nurse had ready. I will always remember this moment because I was so out of control of my situation, scared and in pain, but seeing those two baby tags gave me something to concentrate on. I breathed "it's nearly done, it's nearly done" over and over.

The hard yards were paying off, it was time to push. So with my legs on the nurses hips, I pushed for.... 2 hours. And to this day I can't understand why these nurses didn't move me or change my position. It was horrific, I was scared and tired and worn out.

At 1.24am, 25 hours after my waters broke, my darling baby girl arrived. I threw myself back on the bed and cried out and the nurses looked at me. They handed her to me and the first thing I noticed was her cupids bow lips and her eyes which were just like her daddys. I couldn't believe she was mine. I wondered if someone would come and take her away, it was surreal. Could I really be a mother?

This was the most difficult time, but I survived. The pain and the fear almost overwhelmed me. It's a hard thing to explain to someone who hasn't experienced it. It was scary because I couldn't go back, I could only move forward and at times I had no control. But the one thing that amazes me is that right after my daughters birth, I swore I could go through it all again, right there and then, because she was so worth it. And I meant it...

Writers Workshop

Time again for writers workshop, thanks to a mirror image! of mine over at Mama Kats. This week I have chosen prompt number 1 which is:-

Mother's guilt...tell us what happened. Well this prompt really stuck out and grabbed me because mothers guilt is dear to my heart. Because I have it. I hate it. And it makes me cry.

You see, I have always wanted to be a mother. A stay at home mum, who as the cliches show, bakes cookies and muffins, wears an apron, and gives my life to my offspring who are in fact perfect in every way. Because I am the perfect mother. Or so it seemed at the time, when I was 14 and decided this is what I wanted to do.

Fast forward to now. I am a married mum of 3, not so perfect, with kids who are normal, noisy, energetic, crazy little things, who break my heart most days, because I love them so much. I sometimes feel like I let them down. I have mother guilt. I feel guilty when my son asks me for the tenth time to play football with him, and I am so busy I put him off again.

I feel guilty when I don't spend enough time with my children, and they get a bit crazy. I feel guilty when I yell at them, or get impatient, when I should be in control. I feel guilty because I am not the perfect mother.

There is so much pressure on women to be the perfect mother, so when one fails, in their eyes, it's a big thing. Sometimes when my kids are asleep and I kiss them goodnight, I promise myself to do better next time. Of course, to my kids, I AM the perfect mother. Even if I do get impatient or crazy with them.

I want to be there for my children when they need me. And I try to do this always. Sometimes there just isn't enough of me to go around. It's my big issue with time, or lack of it. And that is sad because they are growing up and one day won't want me to play football, or tea parties with them.

So I am letting go. Of the mother guilt. I just came in from playing football with my son. I will play dollies with my girls tommorrow. I will leave the chores til later because this is the time that is the most important. Their young lives. I will realise that I AM a good mother, and it's normal to make mistakes and learn from them.

I will realise that my kids think I am awesome, and in their eyes I am the best mum in the world. And my son proved it, yesterday when he called me "babe".....

I'm a Mother, I can bribe.

I had a win of sorts today. I relied heavily on threats and bribes but in the end it was just what I had to do.

This week at Miss D's ballet and jazz, it is open week, where the parents are allowed to watch. This is an important week because it's the only time I get to see what she is actually doing, and it is also a mock exam, because she has her first ballet exam after the school holidays.

So I really wanted to go. Of course, The Hubbster was working and the grandparents were out of town, so I had no choice but to take along Mr C and Miss T, remembering their ages as being a sometimes noisy and energetic 6 and an always loud and crazy 4.

I collected Miss T from Kindy and the first thing her teacher said was, something along the lines of "well, she is bouncing off the walls today, she is all over the place, she is a lunatic". Or something similiar, making me think there is no way in hell she will sit quietly through one hour of "watching" ballet. It just ain't gonna happen.

But I REALLY wanted to see my big girl doing her "thang" so during the drive into town, I bribed, I threatened and I pleaded with them just to be good and behave during the dance class and they could have their choice of whatever treat they wanted at the shop on the way home.

Well, we got through the hour! It helped that there was another mum there with two kids aged 2 and 5, so I was out in front from the beginning. My boy was fabulous, sitting with me the entire time and I was so proud of him. I would give him an 8.5 out of ten, because he was very tempted to get on the floor with Miss T who had started to roll around about half way into the class. I would give her about a 6 out of ten, because she was pretty good. She just got bored towards the end and kind of joined in, which didn't impress the teacher, but that's just the way it is sometimes.

The only one who got into trouble was me, because I haven't put the ribbons on the ballet shoes yet. Me bad. And I let the kids eat their chocolates in the car on the way home, right before dinner, because I really think they deserved their treat!

Writers Workshop

Time again for Mama Kats writers workshop or brain scramble, or creative writing. I am answering all prompts this week which are:-

1.) Grab your current read. Let the book fall open to a random page and share two "teaser" sentences from that page, somewhere between lines 7 and 12.

"As we left our clothes behind - and any chance of covering ourselves - we sauntered aimlessly through the park with our willies a-wiggling. After walking for ten minutes I noticed a lot of people with their clothes on, looking around I saw that no-one else had their clothes off - we'd walked out of the nude area into a normal part of the park. We were totally surrounded by nice and respectable families walking their dogs."

Brian Thacker - Rule No. 5: No Sex on the Bus (confessions of a tour leader)

2.) What do you aspire to be?

All I have ever wanted to be was a mother. And a wife. A stay at home one at that. I remember the exact moment in my life when I decided this is what I wanted to be. I was in high school, I was 14 years old and it was a sunny day. I was sitting outside during breaktime and I remember thinking "I can't wait to be a mum, stay at home and look after my family".

This moment is still clear as day to me, even after so many years. And here I am, doing just that, a stay at home mum of three. Do I feel fulfilled? Most days I do, but some days I feel like I suck at mothering, especially if I am stressed and I don't make the right decisions.

I am feeling quite unsettled that maybe my time of mothering my little ones is nearly over, they are growing up and things are changing. No more breastfeeding, no more nappies, no more newborn scents. It's not because I want this to change, it's more that I am forced into it because no matter what I do, this elusive 4th and last baby just doesn't seem to be on the horizon. And it breaks my heart to write that.

3.)Share a piece of unsolicited parenting advice...only I'm soliciting it.

Parenting advice, there's alot around. I would say enjoy EVERY moment because the way kids grow it's like, blink and you will miss it. Another thing I like to think about is when kids are acting up, being naughty and causing chaos, remember 1, it's only a stage and they will generally grow out of it and 2, they are not doing it to piss you off, per say, rather they are learning and growing and testing out boundaries. So suck it up and get on with it.

4.)Tell us about your blogline...how long have you been blogging, when did you start, what were/are your goals for your blog, etc.

Currently my blogline is "How to completely change your life without losing your mind" which reflects my current situation which is moving from suburbia to a farm, living in a shed and becoming somewhat feral. I want to document this stressful crazy time, and look back on it with nostalgia. I have been blogging for 4 months. But, stay tuned because I have an exciting new blog theme and tagline on the way which will be fabulous. So come back and check it out. You know you want to....

5.)If you had 5000 dollars to give away or donate to a charity...explain what you would do with it and why.

I would pass on some money to my mum, to treat herself as she doesn't get to do this so often. I would love her to have holiday somewhere and live it up a bit. I would also donate to the Muscular Dystrophy Association, which is a charity I follow. My cousin passed away from this and I support this cause greatly.