Out of the mouth of babes

The following post was too good not to write about. It shows just how insane my kids (life) are.

Today after school, I dropped Miss D (aged 9) at nanny's work to spend the weekend with her. She helps with the RSPCA dog adoptions thus they have a busy weekend ahead. That left me with Mr C (aged 7) and Miss T (aged 5). I like to refer to these two as my bad combination.

I mean, without Miss D there bossing them around, they actually get on really well. But they also get into mischief together like eating Tim Tams from the fridge and running off whilst chewing or spraying the guineas with water while I'm not watching.

Anyway, whilst getting back into the car after buying some wine, as one does on a Friday afternoon, I viewed Miss T licking the bottom of Mr C's shoe. Naturally I wanted to know why the hell she would do such a thing so the conversation went like this"-

Farmers Wifey: did you just lick the bottom of his shoe?

Miss T: umm yes I did.

Farmers Wifey: why on earth would you do that? It's disgusting..

Miss T: acourse (because) he told me to.

Farmers Wifey: but you shouldn't do everything he says???

Miss T (getting teary): but he said he'd kick me in the nuts if I didn't.....

The explanation went a bit like this:

Farmers Wifey: first of all, you are a girl, so technically you don't have testicles. Secondly you don't know where his shoe has been so don't lick it. Thirdly I'm not giving you a kiss until you clean your teeth.

Of course all the while thinking to myself "who the hell are these children and what happened to the normal ones I had last week??"

Random Post, because I want to

I have so much random shit going on in my mind, I thought it was time for another Random Spandom post, or the Post where you write down all the stuff that doesn't deserve a post of it's own. That totally doesn't make sense, but it's late and I've had two wines.

First up, the Eisteddfod is over (thank you Lord) and we had a very successful first time. A rundown:

Groups Day - 4 firsts and 1 second......and a can of hairspray and nearly a tub of glitter later.

Solos - Miss D came 2nd in Jazz, and received a Highly Commended in Jazz Interperative. She is very very happy and so am I.........

It's school holidays and guess what? It's been raining.... all week.....how peculiar??

And still on that subject, this week The Hubbster took holidays and we hired scaffolding to finish painting the exterior of The Money Pit. Have you seen this weeks' forecast? No, well I'll tell you what it is - rain, thunderstorms, fucking more rain, due to clear up the day he goes back to work.

Can you see any painting getting done? Can you see Farmers Wifey grinding her teeth through sheer frustration? Can you ever see us moving into the house as we just can't seem to get it done??

Last night I discovered something amazing. Something akin to near bliss. I realised that because I now have a laptop, if I have a scenario where The Hubbster is watching the footy on the big tv, the kids are watching a crappy Disney movie on the small tv, I can use my daughters Ipod headphones, plug them into my laptop, climb into my warm bed (usually with a snuggly 3rd child sound asleep there) and watch a dvd of my choice while drinking wine. In bed. Warm and snuggly. In bed. With wine. Can you believe it?

I never even thought about this before. I always thought beds were for sleeping in and for being trashed by the kids or even for trampoling on (kids again). See I don't ask for much and this little realisation has made me very happy.

On a bright note to finish, the chooks have started laying again. I think they saw the axe and realised that I am not feeding them for free. We had bacon and eggs for breakfast this morning, the first time in ages because I refuse to buy eggs when I have lazy arse chooks who think they are living in a resort.

Take a breath Farmers Wifey

Could my life get much busier? I could always get a full time job and then I'd be completely screwed.

I thought I'd bring you my "two weeks of hell on a stick that I should be enjoying" or "stuff that makes me drink too much wine" just to prove how busy I am.

I'll post in point form and remember people - some on this list I have done, some I have yet to do, and some I have done three times.

I'll date it from last Wed to next Wed which should be two weeks, which sounds like it's only one week but it's really two if you read the fine print...

football training

blogging

play practice for Miss D's musical

dress rehearsal for Miss D's musical

3 kids dental appointment

last game of football for Mr C

football presentation

apply, remove and apply nail polish to both daughters nails

embarass Miss D (aged 9) on numerous occasions by actually doing nothing

drink wine on the deck of The Money Pit with The Hubbster watching the sunset

threaten Miss D if she doesn't put her hat on at the football presentation, I will stand next to her at the jumping castle (see above re embarrass)

have sex with The Hubbster

chase dressmaker re Miss D's new dance costume

run around at the last minute to buy a present for a kids birthday party

break up numerous fights between the kids involving blocks, barbies and basketball

second visit back to the dentist for one kid to have 2 small fillings (oh the horror)

attend Miss D's school musical

refuse to pay $50.00 for a flimsy, fluffy hair and makeup box for the Eisteddfod, and instead buy a $20.00 fishing tackle box that is perfect, and pat myself on the back for thinking outside the square

go to a kids birthday party

treatment on Miss D's bum length hair so I can actually get a comb through it

take Mr C to Auskick

realise he's obsessed with football

kid wrangle 3 kids while sorting out dance costumes at the dance shop

have sex with The Hubbster as we forgot before

attend one kids' school Environmental Display

carry a dead chicken up the back of the property and throw it onto an ant hill

have a mammogram

walk the boundary of the property with The Hubbster in the middle of the day (for exercise (torture)) and sweat my arse off

sew straps on two dance leotards

play Barbies on the floor with the girls and sulk when I have to be the maid (reflection of daily life perhaps?)

sew snowflakes on organza

get my period

remove lightening bolts from lycra leggings *sigh*

go to work

threaten the chooks with the axe if they don't start laying

find one egg the next day

finally return overdue dvds and paid the big fine of $2.60

realise that's a better amount than my last overdue fine of $154 (clerical error)

coordinate 10 different dance costumes

coordinate 10 different lots of accessories including hair stuff, shoes, stockings, makeup, arm bands and hair ribbons

coordinate 3 noisy kids while coordinating the above

try not to stress at the Eisteddfod during the 10 performances Miss D will be dancing in..........

hug, kiss and tell my kids how much I love them every day.....

Today....

Today I am 97 days alcohol free.

Today I remembered my little beagle Girlie who left us 1 year ago today. Hopefully she is chewing her way through lots of shoes with her sister Toto...

Today I took the kids along to see the new movie How to Train Your Dragon. Miss D tipped half her popcorn onto the floor and I remembered how much I love dragons and the fantasy world. Look out for an upcoming post about one of my favourite movies called Dragonworld.....

Today Miss D (aged 9) asked me to tell her the truth about the Easter Bunny....I did, and I'm sad about it. She does, however still believe in Santa Claus, or so she says....

Today I discovered this most amazing artist - Yiruma. This piece almost makes me cry....

Boxing Day Random...

1. If only I could figure out how to download songs from my Itunes to Miss D's new Ipod, I would be a happy camper. It's shitting me really. I'm intelligent, I can do things, I filled my Ipod with hundreds of songs (and proceeded to wipe them all - we won't go there) before re-downloading them all again, so I should be able to manage this.

So far, I've added half of my playlist to her Ipod, to which she replies "I don't want THAT crap" on my Ipod.

Miss D wants music by Taylor Swift, Lady Ga Ga *shudder*, Katy Perry, Brandi Carlile (my fav singer) and God forbid Hannah Montana...and perhaps the music from Hairspray. I'll have another try tommorrow, and if all else fails I'll ring my computer savvy brother.

2. This was the 10th Christmas without my Dad and the 1st without my Beagles. Yes, I had moments of despair this week.

3. Tommorrow, I officially give up drinking. There. It's in bold so it is official. I'm just sick of it, my mind and body can do without. Jan 1st I start my health kick again, so it's nadda to alcohol....a healthy and hot bod....here I come!!!

4. I rang about sewing courses and they start in January. So I will learn how to drive a sewing machine and sew a straight line. I suppose not long after that I'll be able to handmake a wedding dress...I'll be that good.

5. I think I solved the ant problem we have had in the kitchen. Pesky little buggers they are. The advice said that the ant population would increase before it decreases. Well, I thought we were being taken over judging by the amount on the bench two days ago. Now if only I could do the same for cane toads and telemarketers.....