July 23, 2010

Miscarriage is a Dirty Word.

Well it's time for me to 'fess up.

This week I lost a baby. Or I had a miscarriage. Or my dream was shattered. Whichever way you say it, it's the same thing. This was my special project I was working on, which sadly won't be published now. Our little one was @ 10 weeks....

I wasn't going to blog about this, but since it is so much a part of me, how could I not? I've been through this many times before actually, but it is harder this time because we had given up trying for that elusive 4th baby, moved on, gotten over the "baby obsessive thing" and then bang out of the blue, we are at the starting line..again.

And it's even more difficult because this time we saw the little heartbeat. It's heartbreaking, really, but I'm not going to whine and whinge and write about my world falling apart (how could I even think that when I have 3 beautiful babes who love me).....

It's more like my world has been kicked and dented, and only time will inflate that dent to be whole again. It's been a very traumatic week, emotionally and physically, and I can honestly say at one point my bathroom looked like a murder scene....well sarcasm is all I have left....as I am spent.

Thankfully I should (will) recover on my own and go on to be chastised, frustrated and loved by my 3 babes who I love so much it hurts.

16 comments:

Confessions of a Closet Hoarder but you can call me Judy said...

::::::hugs:::::

I am so sorry.

Rachel said...

I am sorry, so sorry.

I love that you are grateful for your precious kiddos, but please give yourself space to grieve too.

God has blessed you and I pray that He watches over your health and your family.

Good Golly Miss Holly! said...

Thinking of you x

Caitlyn Nicholas said...

AWFUL. So sorry. BIG HUGS from me. Sometimes life is so f*cked up.

Veronica said...

(((hugs)))

Life is shit sometimes you know. I'm sorry - be kind to yourself.

donna said...

No words can express how much sadness I feel for you and your family - I'm so very sorry that you've had to go through this again! Today is the anniversary of my baby son's birth & death, so I know exactly how you feel. Keep your family close!! Donna x

Melissa@Suger Coat It said...

Sorry to hear of your loss. Even that sounds so clinical and blah. But you get it right. With love and hope just for you.

M.

Lucy said...

Oh sweet girl. I am so sorry. That is a shit of a thing to have happened.

Sending you huge virtual hugs, and a bucket load of peace for your heart. xx

Dina said...

i am so sorry for your loss, I can empathize after having gone through it twice.

Tracey said...

Oh hun :( I had hoped this wasn't it when you posted the last post. I am so so so sorry for you lost. Go gently and take care of yourself.

*hugs*

Just Add Walter said...

I am so sorry for your loss - I can only imagine what you must be feeling! Thank you for sharing your story with us even though it was really hard to blog about! Wishing you the best!

Foursons said...

I'm so sorry to hear this.

Kakka said...

I was fearful that this was what had happened as I somehow knew when you first mentioned the 'project' that it was a new baby for you. My heart is sad, and I am crying tears for your loss. I wish I could wrap you in my arms and give you a hug, but distance and the fact your don't really know me, prevent that. So cyberhugs will have to do. xxx

Farmers Wifey said...

Thank you so much everyone...I will send you private emails but to those with a no reply email address, thank you thank you xxxx

Jen at Semantically driven said...

I'm really really sorry to read about this. Virtual hugs.... xxx

Nicole said...

Geez.

No matter how much time passes, it still doesn't discount a comment being justified, does it. Especially in this instance.

I am so, sorry. It isn't fair. I say it a lot through my blog, but others.. they don't understand. It's just NOT fair.

Love to you xx